I finished my last session on Thursday. This has been a very rough session for me. I have had some emotional break downs, some body changes, fear, anxiety, you name it I had it. And to think this is only my second session out of 18. My teachers were really great supporters. They encouraged me and reassured me that I was not alone in what I was feeling. I can thankfully say that it is over. I can breath and give thanks for making it through. When I say last session was ROUGH, IT WAS ROUGH. I'm telling you that I FAILED 2 TEST! I never recall failing a test in my life! Due to some chemical imbalances.....my body went on auto pilot the first half of the session. I left like I was completely losing myself. Then on top of that, my job decided that they are no longer going to work with me on my school schedule. They basically told me that by December I need to decide what I am going to do. School or work? That was a very hard decision because my income is the highest in my household. I was hoping to keep working until January 2015. Sometimes life does not go as planned. I have to be honest with you... I flipped my wig when that happened too. I thought, "I have 4 kids, a house, a husband, and school feels I need to take care of. What am I going to do now? What about insurance for the kids? How are they going to eat?" After talking it over with my teachers and my spouse, I have to put school first. School is for a bigger vision, not just something short term which work would be. I would be leaving at some point anyways. I just do not know what I am going to do about health insurance when the time comes because I have a little baby. Hhhhhh...... I have to let the higher powers take over from here. If someone had told me that I would have this MUCH change in a short 6 week period, I would have never believed them. I have to say again... I am thankful that I made it through. Thankfully in the last two weeks I was able to pull everything back together. I was able to get back to myself. I was able to ace both of my finals on Thursday. The test are very challenging. Because my teacher had questions on there where ALL of the answers were correct, but I had to chose the best answer. Man that was difficult. I still do not know which one was that best answer. I pulled through with B's in both classed. My Theory's and Research classes. In case you were wondering.... in my program you can only get 1 C. Not like I want one. I about flipped my wig when I got B's. One of my amazing teachers told me that when I go for my NBCOT it would not matter if I got an A or B because what matters is that I know the material and I pass. A light bulb went off. He is right. No one really knows my grades but me. My employers won't know. Nothing says I have to have an A to sit for the NBCOT. So I strive for an A and to learn the material, but if I get a B, I am thankful I was successful because a B is still a success!
Overall... I have to say this over and over again I am thankful that I made it through. I am more amazed with myself as I go through this journey because I keep learning more and more about myself. When I was younger, I thought that by time I would be 30 I would know myself and would be at a point in my life where everything would be smooth sailing. I have found out other wise. I am always changing for the better and I am always willing to learn something new about what this world has in store for me.
I appreciate you for sharing in this journey with me. I am hoping the best for all of you out there!
